I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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