Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Randomize
