Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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