Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
A bitchslap is in order.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
