don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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