I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
