Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
