I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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