1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
