would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
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