Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
