i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
