...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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