After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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