final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Randomize
