Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
