You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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