this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
