she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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