I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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