and you said cock pushups were impossible
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
