If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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