I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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