Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
