i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
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