I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
