On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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