Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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