i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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