They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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