i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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