when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
His nipple licking is glorious
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