i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
