My liver just broke up with me...
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
