Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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