i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
