hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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