im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
