the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
the gays at disneyland are vicious
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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