shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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