There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Randomize
