Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
