his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
