i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
