girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Randomize
