You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
