Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I just googled if crying burns calories
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
