I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
