I met the friendliest cop last night
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I just had sex on a roof
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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