I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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