At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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