Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
