You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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